Come See About Thanks

Scott Ryan

Ok. I need to be productive. I need to get outside of my mind and outside of this world. I will write. What are Ann and Joe up to this month with Hot Valley Writers? I will just open my email. Hmmm, they say, “But because 2020 has clearly been the best year ever (is there such thing as an irony font?), we thought we'd go for thankful.”

 

[Scott pauses]

 

[Scott thinks]

 

Thankful? Be thankful. Yes. YES. YES!!! I can do this.

 

Thank you. 

 

[Scott pauses]

 

I think they wanted more. Who am I thankful for? Or what am I thankful for?

 

Well: Thanks for protecting and serving. Thanks for wearing the mask over part of your face. Thanks for worrying about closing the borders, but letting a shipful of infected into the country. Oh yeah, thanks for that dumb ass wall that could have paid for masks for every citizen. Thanks for allowing Amazon to become a monopoly and having all the small businesses close. And thanks for $600 extra dollars for like 2 weeks. What a difference that made. I mean thank you for that. Thanks for teaching the world that cheating is the best way to win. Thanks for actually stacking the court and then saying we should worry that the other side might stack the court. Thanks for making us all sick and then taking away health care. Thanks for turning the older TV generation into mindless zombies. Thanks. I mean just so much to thank you for.

 

Oh crap.

 

This isn’t what they said to do. Hold on, why is my phone buzzing?

 

Oh shit. THANKS FOR THIS BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Shocking? No. But thanks.

 

[Scott’s wife comes into the room with a cup of hot tea and a fresh baked cookie and sets it down by the computer, iPad, and phone.]

 

“Thanks, dear.”

 

 

Scott Ryan is a writer living in Ohio.

 

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