NEXTDOOR
Martin Call

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

PEOPLE ARE RUDE!

I was walking Peaches, my Shih Tzu, on the sidewalk this morning and a man came down his driveway to get his paper and he wasn’t wearing a mask and he coughed.

What should I do?

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

Take a photo of him and post it on social media. He needs to be shamed.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

I saw a man watering plants in front of his house and when I walked by, he wasn’t wearing a mask! I bet it was the same guy.

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

Was he wearing a Dodgers cap?

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

Yes, Annelise Caputo. I knew it was the same guy!

Michelle Foster, West Valley

Chill out! You don’t need to wear a mask in your yard.

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

You’re wrong, Michelle. It’s mandatory to wear a mask when you leave your house. This is serious! Don’t you care? It’s a matter of life and death!

Michelle Foster, West Valley

Your yard is part of your house. And of course I care, but I think it’s important we understand the facts.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

When I yelled at the man who was watering his plants and said he needed to put on a mask immediately, he told me to go fuck myself.

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

You should take his picture and post it on social media.

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

Did he cough on you, Annelise?

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

No, but he was shouting. So the virus was probably in his spit. Should I call my doctor?

Michelle Foster, West Valley

Hello! They weren’t doing anything wrong. The chances of them having COVID and infecting you are tiny.

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

Do you have bear spray, Kristy and Annelise? You can get some at Big 5. I always carry bear spray. If I see someone and they’re not wearing a mask, I’ll pull out my bear spray and – BZZZZZZZ – right in the face.

Michelle Foster, West Valley

Jesus Christ! Are you kidding me?

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

That’s a great idea, Thomas M. Adams! Thanks for the advice.

Michelle Foster, West Valley

Oh my hell. Why don’t you just get a gun, Annelise?

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

Those damn libtards tried to shut down all the gun stores. I went out and got a new Glock 19. You can borrow it, Kristy or Annelise.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

That would be awesome!

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

I don’t want a gun in my home, but thanks for the offer, Thomas. I don’t suppose you have yeast. I can’t find any in the stores.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

I have yeast. I made Rosemary Garlic Focaccia the other night and it’s yummy!

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

You’re not one of those kooky anti gun people, are you, Kristy? I could loan you one of my machetes.

Michelle Foster, West Valley

I don’t think Nextdoor wants us loaning each other guns and bear spray and machetes. You’re complaining about a man who was getting his paper and a man watering plants – that’s not illegal.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

We’re sure they’re the same person, Michelle. We have to protect ourselves. He’s a danger to our community.

Kristy Dennis, Sunset Square

Annelise is right. And yes, Thomas. I would love to borrow your machete. Could you give me lessons?

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

Aim for the head, Kristy. Always aim for the head.

Annelise, I’d sure like some of that Rosemary Garlic Focaccia if you have any left over.

Annelise Caputo, Sunset Knolls

You’ve got it, Thomas. PM me and I’ll leave some on your front porch.

Don’t worry, I’ll be wearing a mask!

Thomas M. Adams, Pico Estates

It’s a beautiful thing when neighbors come together.



Martin Call is a writer living in California.